Sometimes when I (Brett) perform weddings as a minister, I try to put myself in the groom's shoes. I always try to sense what he's experiencing the moment he watches his bride come down the aisle. My feelings from my own wedding are still very vivid in my mind. As I've said many times, I was totally overwhelmed by the visual, tangible and extraordinarily beautiful gift that God was bringing me down that aisle.
But I also often try to imagine what a young groom's expectations are about his upcoming life together with his future bride. Not just the honeymoon, but their life together. Most likely, he's not even thinking about it at that precise moment. He's probably more concerned with just keeping it together (like I was). That one or two minutes of a wedding processional can be a make it or break it time for guy who likes to have things looking like they're under control.
Which leads me to the point of this post. In marriage, you just cannot keep things under control. The reason is that this marriage thing, frankly, is bigger than the both of you. Yes, you can plan together. Yes, you can map out a life and follow certain principles, set certain goals, maybe even achieve a lot of them. For instance, Kellie and I launched our own marriage with two financial basics: to stay out of debt and to tithe (give 10% or more away) on anything we made. Following those two simple goals has served us well all these twenty years together. It has helped keep us out of financial trouble. Those were two of the early goals we actually have managed to keep (so far, anyway).
On my wedding day, I thought marriage would be a life full of romance, fun friendship, sex (lots of that), and good times. And, sure, I kind of expected in the back of my mind that the initial "crush", young love, and newlywed feelings would probably subside a little bit one day. But, honestly, I thought our euphoric state together would last longer than most people--because I just knew how much we loved each other! In other words, my thoughts were like practically about any other young groom when he gets married.
But I wish someone could have told me a few things. Really, plenty of things. I'll just mention two things right now. First of all, I wish someone could have told me that EVERY married couple eventually runs face to face with "Trouble" in River City (yes, with a capital "T"). You cannot avoid it! Furthermore, every married couple gets the opportunity (if they choose to do it) to work through that kind of trouble, learning how to manage both solvable and unsolvable conflict in their marriage. Knowing that could have really encouraged both of us in the early years of our marriage.
The other thing I wish someone would have shared with me is the fantastic married life that awaits a husband and wife on the other side of going through the tough work together as a couple. As the saying goes, anything worth having is worth fighting for. I had no idea that the best parts of marriage had never been mentioned to me before. I have since learned that the best parts of marriage are related to a deep, deep love.....a deep commitment that can only be tested by fire....after years of growing, forgiving, and getting to really know each other. This is a deep mutual love that can only blossom (in my opinion and experience) in a relationship centered on God.
Now, that I'm a wise old man (actually, just fortysomething) I want to make sure that I give those that are planning on getting married that kind of hope, that kind of vision of what life can be like together. So I'm doing it right here. Take my word for it....you're making the right decision on this marriage thing! In fact, I'm here to say that marriage is the best thing going. As I said in the last post, I'm definitely a satisfied customer. Sharing your lives together in marriage is quite a gift. You'll be glad that you made every single investment in it. Just make sure that you understand all along the way that a married life together in Christ is far more exciting than you would have ever dreamed it would be.
But I also often try to imagine what a young groom's expectations are about his upcoming life together with his future bride. Not just the honeymoon, but their life together. Most likely, he's not even thinking about it at that precise moment. He's probably more concerned with just keeping it together (like I was). That one or two minutes of a wedding processional can be a make it or break it time for guy who likes to have things looking like they're under control.
Which leads me to the point of this post. In marriage, you just cannot keep things under control. The reason is that this marriage thing, frankly, is bigger than the both of you. Yes, you can plan together. Yes, you can map out a life and follow certain principles, set certain goals, maybe even achieve a lot of them. For instance, Kellie and I launched our own marriage with two financial basics: to stay out of debt and to tithe (give 10% or more away) on anything we made. Following those two simple goals has served us well all these twenty years together. It has helped keep us out of financial trouble. Those were two of the early goals we actually have managed to keep (so far, anyway).
On my wedding day, I thought marriage would be a life full of romance, fun friendship, sex (lots of that), and good times. And, sure, I kind of expected in the back of my mind that the initial "crush", young love, and newlywed feelings would probably subside a little bit one day. But, honestly, I thought our euphoric state together would last longer than most people--because I just knew how much we loved each other! In other words, my thoughts were like practically about any other young groom when he gets married.
But I wish someone could have told me a few things. Really, plenty of things. I'll just mention two things right now. First of all, I wish someone could have told me that EVERY married couple eventually runs face to face with "Trouble" in River City (yes, with a capital "T"). You cannot avoid it! Furthermore, every married couple gets the opportunity (if they choose to do it) to work through that kind of trouble, learning how to manage both solvable and unsolvable conflict in their marriage. Knowing that could have really encouraged both of us in the early years of our marriage.
The other thing I wish someone would have shared with me is the fantastic married life that awaits a husband and wife on the other side of going through the tough work together as a couple. As the saying goes, anything worth having is worth fighting for. I had no idea that the best parts of marriage had never been mentioned to me before. I have since learned that the best parts of marriage are related to a deep, deep love.....a deep commitment that can only be tested by fire....after years of growing, forgiving, and getting to really know each other. This is a deep mutual love that can only blossom (in my opinion and experience) in a relationship centered on God.
Now, that I'm a wise old man (actually, just fortysomething) I want to make sure that I give those that are planning on getting married that kind of hope, that kind of vision of what life can be like together. So I'm doing it right here. Take my word for it....you're making the right decision on this marriage thing! In fact, I'm here to say that marriage is the best thing going. As I said in the last post, I'm definitely a satisfied customer. Sharing your lives together in marriage is quite a gift. You'll be glad that you made every single investment in it. Just make sure that you understand all along the way that a married life together in Christ is far more exciting than you would have ever dreamed it would be.
