Couples Who Pray Together ...

You've probably heard the phrase before ... couples who pray together stay together. I (Kellie) am not sure of the hard empirical data, but based on twenty years of marriage and personal contact with hundreds of other married couples, I can say that it's definitely the way to go. Brett and I talk a great deal in our premarital classes about pursuing intimacy. Intimacy is absolutely the lifeline to a successful relationship. And there are many avenues a couple can take to grow closer together. Certainly, good and honest communication is key. A healthy sex life is also a favorite! But praying together might be the most surprising way to pursue intimacy. There's a supernatural covering that happens when couples are praying for each other and with each other. Here are some benefits of prayer that might motivate you to start:

- It honors God

- It builds a hedge of protection around your marriage

- It develops emotional intelligence in both partners

- It's therapeutic

- It takes your relationship to the next level

- It affects your future

Don't panic if this is something new for you. God doesn't expect you to pray lengthy, lofty prayers. He just wants to hear what's on your heart. Start small, and keep it simple. If you're uncomfortable praying together out loud, just spend a few minutes in silent prayer together. There are even books of printed prayers available at bookstores that can help you get started.

I'm still surprised at the way prayer can open us up to being more honest with each other. For example, sometimes Brett and I will pray together after we've had an argument ... believe me, it's really hard to stay mad at someone when you're praying together! Prayer has also been a secret weapon in our marriage. There are days when I can almost tangibly feel Brett's prayers for me. And I know he feels the same way ... even when we're on opposite ends of the city. Step out and try it. I predict it won't be long before prayer is a common language spoken between the two of you and the Lord.

Colby and Kat

Almost two years ago, Kellie and I had the privilege of both being involved in the beautiful wedding of Colby and Katherine Paxton, a wonderful young couple. I have known Kat since she was a kid as she grew up in our youth group. We were always great buds--there's few people in this world who are as much fun as Katherine. And I met Colby right around the time he was finishing up his college baseball career as a pitcher at Auburn. I was immediately impressed with Colby's humility, maturity, and his devotion to God. I knew instantly, because of their mutual faith, they were going to be really great for each other.

We recently checked in with the two of them, happily married, living in Nashville, and asked the Paxtons to share how things have been going since their wedding day:

You two were married in August of 2005. It's hard to believe that it's been that long already since your wedding day! How long did you guys date before that?

Kat: We dated a year then we were engaged for 8 months.

What were the most important things you each considered in picking the other to be your spouse for life?

Kat: One of my main considerations was that Colby was a good complement to my personality. And he is. He has enabled me to be who I am but reins me in and encourages me when I need to follow the Lord's direction.

Colby: One of my main considerations was that Katherine was confident in herself--that has allowed me to get to know her in a deeper way. Also, I thought she had a very genuineness in relation to friends and family which is important to the both of us.

What has surprised you the most about married life so far?

Kat: I was surprised how different we really are. Colby thinks differently and acts differently and we arrive at different conclusions. But I would also say that we are learning how to accept the other's opinion and come to a mutual conclusion as a family. I have learned that the Lord also uses Colby to show me a different perspective.

Colby: I would agree with that. You learn a lot about your spouse and I have discovered not only am I different, but now I realize we are different people. However, we are starting to understand each other a little better. Also, I realize more about myself--that I have some selfish tendencies that I didn't realize until I had to start thinking for two.

What has been the greatest challenge for you as a young married couple?

Colby: I think it has been to manage our schedules and to allow time for us as a married couple--making that a priority.

Kat: We have realized how busy we have been in our marriage and have since made a conscious effort to say "no" to social engagements and carve out time for each other.

You don't have children yet. How much free time do you guys get to spend together?

Colby: We spend most weeknights together. When we aren't traveling on the weekends, we mainly hang out with each other or other married couples.

You moved to Nashville to start your married life together. Neither of you had lived there before you met. How has that adjustment been for you?

Kat: It was hard for me, initially, to move to Nashville. I didn't know anyone. Meanwhile, Colby had instant friends from work. I was lonely, but it was good for us to be able to hang out all the time and continue to get to know each other. Slowly, I dug into Nashville and made friends through my job. We've also made friends at church with people in the same stage of life as we are--with other couples.

Colby: Since I had lived in Nashville for a year before we got married, I had friends both from work and outside of work. This made it difficult to balance still having those friends while also being married. Meanwhile, Katherine had just moved here and those friends were not in the same stage of life as us.

Did you have challenges finding married couple friends in Nashville?

Kat: At first we didn't have many couple friends and that was a challenge. But after we joined a church, we were plugged into a Community Group and then we met people that were also newly married.

Nashville has so many churches. Was it hard for you guys to find one you liked?

Colby: Nashville does have many churches. But it was hard to visit because we were in and out of town a lot. We had trouble narrowing down to the short list. But, thankfully, we were able to find a church that we both love and where we want to be involved.

Neither of your in-laws live in Nashville. What kind of issues does that cause?

Kat: It is hard, no matter if in-laws are in or out of town. Colby's family lives three hours away, but we don't see them all the time. We are thankful to have a family relatively close by, but it is hard, especially during the holidays. Our parents are great and respect our time, but it is difficult to see both sets as much as we would like.

Colby: Since both sets of in-laws don't live in Nashville, it has been a blessing to grow into our own family. Though we really miss seeing them, it has been a great thing for our marriage.

What do you guys get to do for fun?

Kat: We have enjoyed working on our house and spending time with good friends in and out of town.

What would you say to a young couple getting ready to be married? What advice would you give?

Both: We would say to enjoy the engagement process, because it is really easy to wish it away.

Thanks, Colby and Katherine, for the great interview! Hope to see you guys soon. ~Brett & Kellie

Insurance For Cold Feet

NBC's The Today Show recently hosted a segment about an interesting topic that might interest all engaged couples. Apparently, it is getting more and more common these days to take out an insurance policy when planning a wedding. After all, the cost of weddings continues to increase and there are all sorts of deposits and fees due long before the ceremony takes place. Inclement weather, power outages, and transportation delays are all reasons why having an insurance policy might be a smart thing to do. However, Fireman's Fund Insurance has now come up with a rider that one may add to an existing wedding policy ... it's called the "change of heart" rider. And it covers you should your fiance decide to call the whole thing off before the big day! Stories like the runaway bride in Georgia getting national attention got the folks in the insurance industry thinking. I suppose if someone is left at the altar, it may bring some level of comfort to know they wouldn't be out all that money. An insurance policy like this may cover the financial loss, but I'm sure it wouldn't begin to cover the emotional loss. I think a better investment is to participate together in some good solid premarital counseling and education. Tread slowly. Take your time. There shouldn't be any rush in the decision to marry. Take the time to really get to know the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. It may just be the best wedding insurance you can find.

Start Learning To Give......In!

Something that needs to be repeated more and more to engaged couples is that marriage is often very.....difficult. Sometimes that's extremely hard for a couple that is "in love" to grasp--and who can blame them? Let's face it, the period right before a wedding is an exciting time of life! So, by all means, enjoy it! Nevertheless, because of the romantic (even chemical) feelings of euphoria that are present in the early years of a loving relationship, it's easy to neglect the reality that hard work is necessary for a successful lifelong marriage.

Since this is so often true, a habit to develop now during your premarital stage is to learn how to become a servant to your future spouse. One of the most dramatic ways of doing that is to realize when it is more loving to "give in" during a difference of opinion. In my experience, it makes sense to yield to the one you love most of the time. There's an old saying that says, "You can be right....or you can be happily married!" Go out of your way to surrender "your way of doing things" to your partner's point of view. With the exception of moral convictions, most of the things that we disagree about are usually pretty petty. After all, does it really matter all that much what color the towels in the guest bathroom are going to be?

If you can practice this kind of response now, I believe it will set a course for your marriage for the future that will truly blow you away. Rising above your own self-centeredness will open both of you up to the true world of love--which is believing that the other person is more important than yourself. If you are both approaching your future marriage with that mindset, you will learn together how powerful a love relationship can really be.