New Married Life Prep series

Kellie and I will be leading an all-new Married Life Prep series in Houston during February 2009. We hope that you and your fiance will be able to join us for this free encouragement to your future marriage. Studies show that relationship-oriented classes like Married Life Prep can reduce the likelihood of divorce by as much as 50%. We like those odds and would love for you to be part of that series. For more information and quick registration click here. See you in February!

Find Out More About Your Relationship

For a limited time, Home Encouragement can provide a free online research-based relationship inventory to help engaged couples know more about one another. It's a very helpful tool that will complement premarital counseling and training. It's a wise move to invest as much as you can in your understanding of one another before you get married. Couples have responded overwhelmingly that this online inventory has given them needed insight to go deeper in their relationship with one another.

If interested, please contact us at thehursts@homeencouragement.org soon. We would be happy to provide you with this chance to connect better with the one you love.

What is Commitment?

Commitment between two couples is all about having a long-term view. It means that you are going to stay in this relationship permanently in all situations and at all costs--not just until a better option comes along. What commitment does for a marriage is to say that the two of us are going to be able to survive the inevitable ups and downs of a lifelong relationship--simply because we are committed to one another.

Commitment also means that we are going to give up some rights or choices because of our love and devotion for this person. This idea is not a very prized value in our culture today. (What? You mean I'm going to have to give something up?) Our society today says that you should hang on to everything. Or as they say in Texas, don't sell your mineral rights! After all, none of us willingly want to give up what we think is "ours".

But that's what successful and truly satisfying marriage is all about--denying yourself. Sacrifice. And more specifically, it's about all the unforseen joy there is to be found in life by willingly giving yourself completely to another person. Couples that don't get this concept of a deeper trust deny themselves something extraordinarily beautiful. There truly is nothing else like it.

Why Marriage Matters

According to the Administration for Children and Families, Health and Human Services, Washington D.C., (and many other resources), there are multiple reasons why healthy marriages increase social health. Here are some of the primary advantages: Statistically, married couples have better overall physical health and mental health--which only increases with happy marriages. Married couples suffer less injuries, less illness, and less disability. They typically live longer, and have children who are physically healthier, as well as are more emotionally stable. With marriage also comes a lower infant mortality rate, a lower rate of child abuse, and lower rates of STDs.

Whew! That's quite a list of incentives for marriage, in general. And, again, healthier marriages just increase all of those statistics further. But for couples to have healthier marriages, it requires intentionality and prioritization within that marriage--to make the marriage stronger, better. Kellie and I recommend that couples become students of marriage. Before and after you're married, read at least one good book on marriage enrichment each year. Also, attend a retreat or pro-marriage weekend once each year. Take a few minutes to take a good online relationship inventory annually. And make sure that you are always dating, playing, and having fun--muy importante!!

If you have any questions or comments about any of these suggestions and want more details or information, please contact us at thehursts@homeencouragement.org . We'd be glad to help you and your fiance move forward with a more intentional (and more satisfying) marriage. That's why we're here.

Givers and Takers

There are two kinds of people in the world, basically--givers and takers. In marriage, this becomes an extremely important factor to the health of a young relationship.

There is nothing more fantastic than a marriage with two givers. Givers spend their time trying to cook up ways to be creatively loving and generous to the one they love--rather than keeping a scorecard of how much they have done (and how much their spouse "needs" to do). Givers are really taking to heart that God created marriage to grow through loving sacrifice.

However, in marriage, when one person is a giver, and the other is a taker, this can start out appearing beautiful (since there are ample opportunities for a giver to "accommodate" a taker--for a short while, everyone seems happy). But, this arrangement inevitably ends up in great conflict. This slowly creates an environment for an unhealthy relationship with a potential for passive aggressive behavior.

When both people are takers, simply put, this is a recipe for rapid disaster. Two takers can destroy each other in marriage very quickly with their selfishness. In fact, I would never counsel two obvious unyielding takers to get married. What would be the point?

So, what if you are a taker? Are there no options for a successful future marriage? Fortunately, there are. Unlike other factors in a relationship like natural temperament or some aspects of physical appearance, selfishness is something that can be changed in a person. I won't say that it's always easy. It also probably won't be an overnight change either--but it can happen. It's all about yielding that selfishness--confessing it, acknowledging it, and then asking the One who made you to give you healing from it. I'm living proof myself that God can give a person a dramatic night-and-day difference in the ability to move away from self-centeredness. Doing this effectively might require the help of another party--a pastor, a counselor, a professional, a friend. It certainly requires much prayer. But it can be done!

An extremely healthy exercise as you are moving into marriage is to evaluate yourself and your own level of selfishness (all of us have selfish moments, by the way). If you find yourself through honest self-evaluation to be a taker, get some help to move away from that identity. The second step would be to honestly evaluate your fiance in the same way. If either or both of you feel that one or both of you are takers, then move quickly to get some third-party help. Your future relationship is too important to not be honest about this.

A successful lifelong marriage is rooted in sacrifice. And ironically, that's where many of the thrilling joys of marriage lie--in the often new found ability to love someone else in a way that you never have before. Get over selfishness as quickly as you can. In fact, I pray that your future marriage is an example to the world of how selfless people can become. The overwhelming evidence will be your happiness and joy together.

Married Life Prep

It is so easy for a couple today to stress over the vast details of planning a wedding. In fact, the pressures of wedding planning can often seem so great that many engaged couples forget to make the most important plans--for a beautiful married life together! We understand this and want to encourage you with support. Our goal is to do everything we can to assist you in building a loving and permanent husband and wife relationship.

Married Life Prep is a fun and "engaging" eight-hour premarital series that Kellie and I lead together at MDPC (Memorial Drive Presbyterian Church). Statistics tell us that couples that invest in learning effective relational skills can dramatically increase the likelihood of a successful marriage. Married Life Prep prepares engaged and newlywed couples with tools needed to set their marriage on a firm foundation....for a satisfying lifelong relationship together. We do all we can to make it beneficial to you.

To register for the next 6-week series, which begins Sunday morning July 20th (11:00 a.m.-12:20 p.m.) click here. The classes are absolutely free and all materials are provided. Registration deadline is July 13th. Come join us for conversations in a relaxed setting that will get you even more excited about your upcoming life together!

Patience

We live in an instant world--instant coffee, instant communication, instant food, instant access to information, to anything we want--24/7. Or so it seems, anyway.

But the reality is that relationships are completely different. Healthy relationships aren't nurtured instantly. It takes a lot of time and consistent effort. Marriage, especially, is a relationship that requires a tremendous amount of investment and patience in order to create a harmony that is really special.

Anytime you put two people together and tell them to live in blissful harmony for the rest of their lives, you're asking for the impossible. After all, we're just too determined at various times to pursue getting our own way--often when we don't even realize it. A truly loving marriage runs counterintuitively to that mindset of selfishness. In fact, most of the successfully married people I know believe that one of the reasons God designed marriage in the first place was to teach them patience. I can certainly back up that point of view. Nothing, and I mean nothing, puts you face-to-face with your own selfish nature better than getting married.

Your engagement period is one of those great opportunities given in life to focus on this stark reality--almost like a "test" run. In other words, knowing that we will all have our selfish moments or inclinations, how will you approach this lifelong permanent bond together--in a way that honors your partner instead of you demanding your own way?

It may take years for you to develop the kind of marriage that will be most the satisfying. So give yourselves time for that union to blossom naturally. In the meantime, cut each other tons of slack in how you deal with one another. There's an old saying that says, "you always hurt the one you love." Do your best to challenge that saying. Go out of your way during your premarital period to be extra understanding and especially patient with the stresses of planning your upcoming wedding. By doing this, you will get a great running start to accomplishing the same thing in your marriage.

You're obviously getting married because you have great love and adoration for one another. Develop that love further for your most special relationship by giving your fiance (and future spouse) the gift of patience and understanding. You'll be surprised down the line at what you receive for your effort.

A Healthy Decision

Congratulations on your decision to become one through marriage! Not only is it a romantic choice you're making....it's also a healthy one! Furthermore, statistics prove over and over that developing your sexuality and intimacy further in marriage will lead to better all-around personal health.

Listen to what Dr. Stephen Bogdewic, vice chair of family medicine at Indiana University School of Medicine told Indianapolis Star reporter Shari Rudavsky:

"There's plenty of evidence that both human sexuality and intimacy and love and marriage are very, very good for our health. In fact, if a new drug was developed and had the same kind of impact, virtually every doctor in the country would be recommending it."

Bottom line is this: Marriage leads to better health. And a happy marriage leads to even better health. Do all that you can now to learn how to develop your love during your life together in marriage.

A Profile of Your Relationship

Congratulations to all of you that are recently engaged! We pray that your upcoming married life together will be one filled with many blessings and that you will truly enjoy one another as you navigate the adventures and thrills of life--as one.

To help give you needed tools for your future life together, for a limited time, we can offer those in the Greater Houston area a free online marriage premarital profile. This special opportunity, which regularly costs $50 or more, will be available at no cost to Houston couples on a first-come, first-serve basis. Engaged couples that take a premarital inventory greatly enhance their understanding of one another and are usually much better prepared for the changes that can come in life once you are married. Even if you have dated for a long time, there are usually aspects of your relationship that you probably have not yet uncovered. A premarital inventory can help begin important conversations between you that will benefit you greatly in the long run.

If you live in this area, and are interested in this process, please contact us at thehursts@homeencouragement.org and we will do our best to help you in your future marriage in any way that we can.

Before You Say I Do!

Kellie and I will be at the Before You Say I Do! wedding showcase at the Houstonian, 111 North Post Oak Lane in Houston this Sunday, January 27, 2008 from 1-6 pm. This is a luxury wedding showcase featuring the finest Houston wedding professionals, a stunning runway show and champagne reception.

We will not be selling anything ourselves--we'll just be there to promote the Married Life Prep premarital series (which we offer several times throughout the year). We'll also make ourselves available to couples that want to know more in general about premarital training and marriage enrichment. For information about tickets and details about the bridal show, call 713-464-4321 or visit http://www.houstonbridalshows.com/

Hope to meet you there!

New Married Life Prep Class Beginning Soon

Happy New Year! And congratulations on your upcoming married life together! Marriage can and should be such an exciting relationship. We would love to encourage you both as you grow in your new family.

If you live in or near the Greater Houston area and are available on Sunday mornings, we will be starting a new Married Life Prep class beginning Sundays, January 13th, at Memorial Drive Presbyterian Church (MDPC), from 11:00 a.m. to 12:20 p.m. This fun and interactive series will run for six weeks and cover topics as diverse as communication, conflict resolution, finances, sex, and how to turn towards each other. There is no cost for the course and all materials will be provided. Participants can be engaged or newly married. We have also had many couples participate in Married Life Prep that have been in previous marriages. All help provide a rich environment of learn together.

Also, those that register now for Married Life Prep will receive free access to an online marriage profile from eHarmony Marriage (an excellent tool that usually costs around $50). This will help you learn even more helpful insights about your most special relationship.

Statistics are clear that those couples that participate in a good premarital course have a better success rate of a happy, healthy marriage. To find out more about this great premarital experience, email us at thehursts@homeencouragement.org or click the Married Life Prep link in the right hand column of this page.

We hope to meet you soon!