Diane Sollee, founder of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education (CMFCE) writes, "The number one predictor of divorce is the habitual avoidance of conflict. And what's sad is the reason we avoid conflict is because we believe it will cause divorce." Kellie and I couldn't agree more with this assessment. Ironically, NOT getting into conflict can be one of the most damaging things a couple can do in their relationship.
Couples that do well in marriage are couples that are realistic about the fact that they will inevitably have some kind of conflict in their marriage. After all, if both of you were exactly alike, one of you would be unnecessary! But beyond that, successful married couples know how to navigate through that conflict and discuss their differences of opinion to a point of understanding.
Kellie and I always marvel at the marriage of James Carville (liberal Democratic strategist) and Mary Matalin (very conservative Republican). How in the world do they stay married with such opposite viewpoints? The answer (we assume) is that they have tremendous respect for each other personally, they have great affection for one another, and somehow they have learned how to have very stark opinions with even tremendous conflict in their home--but they handle it successfully!
Don't be afraid to have heartfelt discussions involving differing personal viewpoints. On the contrary, fear NOT being able to have some of those hard conversations from time to time. Our general experience is that folks that don't ever have to navigate turmoil or conflict often avoid ever really getting to know each other honestly....and that can sometimes be a dangerous recipe for a lifelong marriage. As long as you are turning toward each other with great respect and abiding love and affection, you can learn to live in harmony together despite great personal differences. Yeah, you can.
Now, go ahead and breathe a sigh of relief.
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