Beware of Overcommitment

Contrary to many current cultural messages, the value of commitment is a wonderful thing. One of the most important foundations of marriage is the commitment that a couple makes at their wedding ceremony before God, their families, and their friends. In most cases, they make a public pledge to love one another supremely, to care for one another no matter the circumstances, and to be faithful to one another until death separates them. It's one of the most beautiful expressions of love one person can make to another.

But be careful about moving into a period of overcommitment in your new life together. Because married life is so special yet an experience unlike any other, the newlywed months can also be a dangerous time for young couples--particularly for those who are trying to get through school or start a new profession. If at possible, avoid stacking your life with too many significant life transitions all at once. Overcommitment can be physically exhausting and even detrimental to your most important relationship. Going to college, working full-time, starting a business, fixing up your first house, having a baby--all at the same time.....whew! That would wear anyone out! Nevertheless, many energetic young couples overload their plate in that way and then wonder why their marriage relationships soon fall apart.

The real danger in having four or five of those life transitions in motion at once is that a couple only finds themselves connecting with each other only when they are physically worn out--which is not usually one's best moments for developing interpersonal relationship. So, what are the transitions of life that are currently affecting both of you? Remember, in marriage, whatever one person is going through, BOTH are going through to some extent. It's important to discuss these issues frankly and honestly. Your personal schedule and workload will most definitely affect your spouse, too, and ultimately the quality of your marriage.

Perhaps over dinner one evening, the two of you can decide what components of your lives might be deferred for later. This could potentially save yourselves a lot of unnecessary heartache, struggle, and sheer exhaustion. Believe me, it's a lot easier to not load your plate up front than it is to try to trim those commitments back later. Down the road of life you will be grateful that you took your foot off the accelerator for the sake of your marriage.