My, How We've Grown!

I've always said that if a person really wants to grow in their personal life....then get married! Why? Because, frankly, going into a marriage relationship with another person will quickly put you face to face with how selfish you really are. Think about how ridiculous the notion might seem (at first glance) for two people to get married in the first place--two people, typically opposite in so many ways, pledging to live the rest of their lives together as "one flesh". The question will not be "Will we have any disagreements?". The question is "What will our disagreements be about... and how will we handle them?"

Part of the subtle but dramatic change in a marriage relationship, even for couples that have lived together first (which, by the way, we don't recommend for a lot of reasons), is that there are two individuals moving from independence to interdependence. Now, in this new love relationship of commitment, both parties are stepping out in faith to forfeit their "rights" of doing whatever they want, whenever they want. In our very selfish society, that notion might spark a lot of folks to respond with, "Well, then why get married? Won't that just cut into my freedom?"

My answer to that is that marriage is one of the best exchanges you could ever make in your life. Trading away your so-called personal freedoms for the opportunity to live freely together in a new God-centered relationship is well worth it. You will learn so much about what life really is all about--that's it's not about you. You will learn that serving others is the key to happy living--and that serving that one person in particular in a very intimate context can become the greatest blessing of your life.

It won't always be easy. Mike Mason, in his book The Mystery of Marriage, says:

A marriage, or a marriage partner, may be compared to a great tree growing right up through the center of one's living room. It is something that is just there, and it is HUGE, and everything has been built around it, and wherever one happens to be going--to the fridge, to bed, to the bathroom, or out of the front door--the tree has to be taken into account. It cannot be gone through; it must respectfully be gone around. It is somehow bigger and stronger than oneself. True, it could be chopped down, but not without tearing the house apart. And certainly it is beautiful, unique, exotic. But also, let's face it, it is at times an enormous inconvenience.

Personal growth is rarely easy. But it is always worth it. Growing together while learning what marriage is really all about is also not easy. But there are few things in life more rewarding and more satisfying than figuring out the rich depths of marriage together. Are you ready for that growth adventure?