Let's Discuss It Over Dinner

A topic that I wish was discussed more is the idea that a solid marriage needs to be based on a very strong friendship. In fact, the potential of two people being best friends and lovers is a very powerful combination. In marriage, that friendship needs at least as much attention as the other friendships that occur outside the marriage. I happen to be officiating a wedding this weekend where the bride and groom are clearly each other's best friends. They do all kinds of things together as a couple--they are workout partners, they talk out their day together, they both like doing outdoor adventures, they like to listen to good jazz downtown, etc. They are definitely close friends.

One of the most powerful ways to build a friendship is also one of the simplest--have dinner together. Another word for friendship is companionship. The word companionship comes from a Latin word that means "breaking bread together". For a friendship to grow, it's important for companions to share meals often.

Statistics have shown that families that have developed the habit of eating together are families that lead more stable lives--in multiple categories. According to an article by Nancy Gibbs in Time magazine, kids in those families statistically are less likely to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders or contemplate suicide. They are also more likely to do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables, learn big words and know which fork to use. That's scary--I didn't know there was supposed to be more than one fork in the first place!

The point is that it's important to share meals--to break bread--with those that you love. In a young marriage, that is a great time to start the habit of eating together as regularly as possible. Being able to talk about your day over dinner is rich stuff. And building the routine early is important--because you're only going to have a more hectic schedule if kids enter the picture someday later.

Whether you sit down to dinner at home (typically cheaper) or eat out together (definitely not cheapest) really doesn't matter much for the friendship-building component in early marriage. The point is to have time to linger together and talk about things thoroughly and leisurely. Even ordering a Domino's pizza (a million delivered on an average day) is not necessarily bad--as long as that ordered pizza is not making you each turn towards a television set instead of each other.

For us, Kellie and I have found, by far, that we connect best as a family at those meals where we and our teenagers are eating together around a table at home. It allows us to talk freely together in a safe place. For us, there's freedom for laughter and honest conversation--just better overall connection between us.

Better emotional bonding and the development of deeper friendships comes from sharing meals together--who knew? Maybe watching the Food Network is important after all.