One of our favorite marriage experts, Dr. John Gottman, talks about a great relationship necessity called "love maps". A love map is being intimately familiar with each other's world, storing relevant information about your partner's life. For example, not only knowing what type of salad to order for your partner, but also knowing that he likes the dressing on the side. Knowing exactly which co-worker gets on her nerves. And taking the time to find out lots of information and stories from one another's pasts, while asking questions about dreams for the future.
A perfect example of a love map took place several years ago involving some friends of ours. We know a couple who had been dating for a few months, and Valentine's Day was fast approaching. The guy wanted to do something special for the girl, but also something unique and creative. So he packed a picnic lunch and went and picked her up for their date. When she asked where they were going, he simply told her that he wanted her to guide him around town, pointing out her special childhood locations to him. The house that she and her family grew up in, her elementary school, the church where she attended, her high school, etc. As you can imagine, this sparked a great afternoon of conversation, stories, and memories. This was his way of getting to know her on an even more intimate level. He didn't know it, but he was creating a love map in his mind for his future bride.
I love that story. The more effort we make to keep getting to know our partner, the more our brain is mapped with stories and memories of this wonderful person we love. To really love someone, we must know them ... better than anyone else on the planet.
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