Leaving and Cleaving

In the second chapter of the entire Bible, God makes it clear that he designed things so that new couples should leave their families of origin and cleave to their new mate. We all know what it means when a bride and groom leave their respectively families. But what does "cleaving" mean? The word "cleave" in the context of a new marriage or family means to "bond together" in the new family.....to actually become a new family! Does that mean that there will be no continued relationship with the parents? Not at all. Loving parents are a great thing--in fact, they make wonderful grandparents, so remember that! On the other hand, it does mean that it's very important for a new husband and wife to each give the other the position of highest devotion that was previously reserved for their parents. All priority is now given to that new partner in this new family.

To be honest, a few parents and in-laws do not make this transition well, so it's important for young married couples to set the precedent of this priority for the new family from the beginning. This will allow a healthy shift of affection and respect to occur and flourish in the new relationship. It will mean that you won't rely on parents anymore to solve problems. Instead, you will rely on one another. From here on, the two of you will work things out together--one way or another. But that's what's exciting!

When Kellie and I lived in our first apartment during our first year of marriage, it was a wonderfully sweet time. We didn't have much money, but that apartment was our little palace. It was really so nice to come home after a hard day of work. There were definitely adjustments and new experiences for us in our new setting. But it was a special time in our new marriage to learn how to develop our own lifestyle. Our own unique style. Meanwhile, we also learned how to depend on one another. Little by little, we figured out that, with God's help, we were going to do this marriage thing together--no matter what.

During the early months as a new married couple, it's not a bad idea to learn how to set limits with all of the "outside" people in your life, whether it's your in-laws, college buddies, or even people where you work. Devote as much time as you can to just talking together as a newly married couple and getting to know each other....even if you dated for a long time. There is something powerful that happens in a relationship once you have actually tied the knot. That's the beauty of marriage. In God's eyes, that's when you become a new family.

Also, this would be the time to put the past behind you. Kellie and I had both dated quite a lot of people before we were married. Once we actually were married, it was time to let all of those past dating relationships fall by the wayside. Your new spouse needs to know that he/she holds the number one place in your heart (after God, of course). After all, you took vows along those kind of lines, right?

If you will step out in faith and take this leaving and cleaving instruction from God to heart, He will more than equip both of you to handle all the new challenges you will face together as a new family. Married life will certainly have days that will just plain be tough. But with God at the center of your marriage, and the two of you holding on to each other, who or what can stand against you?